"heartbreaker no more." -- indian dimple

days or weeks of no internet at home....  *argh!*

buying new stuff & stocks for the new house.  *ngarks!*

going thru your old stuff.  checking on what to throw and what to preserve then reminisce.  *smiling*

decorating your place, organizing your stuff, segregating your items from the big boxes...messing up your nails.  *yucky*

absentis-kamatis from work.  *excited*

mess all over to the new space. *migraine*

i never thought that the word MOVING will be a big thing for me this year.  and instances of moving already took place for 3 aspect now (as of today).

aside from some personal matter of moving on that i am did early this year, just recently i've decided to move my blog from primipara to here (at weebly).  and today, we will have the major move out from the old house to our new shelter.  wheeew!

i'm mixed emotion right now.  saying goodbye to the house that sheltered me (and my family) for more than 10 years, is not an easy decision to do.  it's like leaving the person that loved you and took care of you for so many years.  it was not an impromptu decision from us, but it was an agreement with an ASAP word attached to it.  loooooooong story, but it is a decision that we sisters agreed on the same ground.  we NEED to do it, we NEED to MOVE.

i already packed most of our staff last weekend, and left some items to be used on a daily thing.  some of our things are already brought to the new house.  but when i received a call from my sister that today will be the BIG MOVE-OUT, i'm quite nervous but excited as well.

i called half-day from work to help out in our moving.  and while the workers started to load our gigantic furnitures, and the old house started to be empty, i started to miss the old house...our very own home.  then i remember the first time my foot stepped on this land, everyone of us was excited specially when we saw the swimming pool and our individual rooms.  i remember that we already picked-out rooms even when my parents have not decided to buy it yet.  everyone was happy and excited.  and when we moved here last quarter of 1999, i was so busy designing and cleaning my own room & CR.  i love my room, i love my very own space.  my room witnessed lots of special events in my life -- happy and sad events.  it's been my comfort zone ever since.  specially my CR -- it served me exactly as how it was named.


i took pictures of our old house -- my room, the really dirty kitchen, the messy backyard, the unorganized receiving area and wrecked parking area.  it is not as nice as it is 10 years ago (when we moved and after the renovation), but this house will always be special to me.


i will miss you, old home.

why can't i just think of you and not cry.  i remember you every now and then, but my eyes still shed tears, why? we have good memories of each other, but why does my heart aches every time i remember you?  

i was once asked, to remember the people who made me cry most and hurt me -- then i cried.  i know in my heart that i do not hate you at all, i know deep inside me that i have no anger or anything against you...but i am sad.  

i wanted to smile again every time i remember you.  i wanted to have the excitement again every time i look back and think of you.    

how can your goodbye give tears and cover all our good memories?  why can't i look at your photos without sadness in my eyes?   

this is sad, really sad.

i was tempted...i looked back. i re-read, i got sad. then i cried.

(i  am still healing)...

i missed you. and i am still missing you.


i know you'll be mad, and i know you won't like it either
but i am here -- fighting, trying and contending.


it was not an easy job to turn my back at you and keep looking forward as i do my every step.


it was an unforgettable past and i cannot pretend that i am not looking back.


give me more time, don't just fade immediately.  
i'm still a work in progress, and i still feel and see you.


i am not asking you to stay nor am i asking you to come back
but what i'm telling you is i can not pretend 


i will get there, i know i'll get there.